August 08, 2003

From: "Mitchell"
To: "Abbey"
Subject: 1192
Date: Friday, August 08, 2003 9:22 AM

another friday morning.  this is the one-thousand, one-hundred and
ninety-second friday of my life.  if i think really hard, i can remember
what i did on maybe ten or fifteen of those fridays.  how sad.

thanks for the picture, jervis.  i noticed that you spelled your name with
an "a" on the picture.  does that mean that it'll be worth more when you
die?  or did you just misspell it in the email?  can emails have monetary
worth?

i've decided that i agree with the vatican: homosexuals shouldn't be allowed
to marry.  its a sin.  i also think the palestinians are a bunch of A-rab
terrorists, and the germans are all nazis.

"It sounds a lot more like something I would attend than my parents.  Only,
I don't know anyone who is into guerrilla anything."
hmmmmm..... my friend josh is into the guerrilla thing.... but he's in
prague (labelling himself and building his reputation as the "praha
punisher").  um, who else is there?  (*inside mitchell's head: "'ooh, ooh,
ooh, mista kotter, mista kotter, ooh, ooh, ooh.'  i like guerrillas.  i do,
i do.... sigh"*).

must go to the university.... argh.

after tomorrow (saturday #1192), this will all be over.  i can't hardly
wait.

respectfully,

bob wiseman

-------------------------------------------------------

From: "Mitchell"
To: "Abbey"
Subject: disappointed
Date: Friday, August 08, 2003 10:47 AM

awww.  i wanted to go learn about guerrillas.  if i were jervis, i wouldn't
have invited betty.  bob wouldn't have, either (though he probably would have
written a song about it.  in fact, i speculate that he has a song about
american pilots spraying defoliant on peruvian peasants...  what's it
called?).

you're only mad about me ending the phone conversation because i stole your
thunder.  i thought to myself, "this is a very Abbey thing to say (and
it was)."  i merely beat you to the punch.

i don't have a problem with gay catholic arabs.  i have a problem with gay
catholic A-rabs that live in germany.  i feel that you're misrepresenting my
words.  get the story straight.

i would like to see you saturday afternoon, but if you are planning on
"storming the beach", don't let me get in the way... sigh.

signed,

M.D. K.

~if you desire peace of soul and happiness, then believe; if you would be a
disciple of truth, then inquire.~

-------------------------------------------------------

From: "Mitchell"
To: "Abbey"
Subject: Shouldn't you be buddying?
Date: Friday, August 08, 2003 11:53 AM

i was unaware that my emails made any noises at all.  well, if they do,
please know that they aren't trying to sound rude.  i wouldn't dare send an
email of that sort.
yes, i should be studying, but i have problems with studying.  i can't do it
(you've marked my tests, you should know).  i get too restless and it makes
me want to run freely through a canola field (which is virtually impossible,
have you ever tried it?).
i'm unsure when my parents get home.  probably sunday.  i'll have to find
out.  they're being secretive about it.
i think i'll walk over to the bookstore now.  then maybe i'll eat my lunch
outside and look at the trees.  yes, that would be nice...

regards,
jenkins
~if you desire peace of soul and happiness, then believe; if you would be a
disciple of truth, then inquire.~

-------------------------------------------------------

From: "Mitchell"
To: "Abbey"
Subject: Shouldn't you be cuddling?
Date: Friday, August 08, 2003 1:05 PM

counting sheep?  are you trying to go to sleep?  a siesta of sorts?

i'm at home now (having studied for twenty minutes, daydreamed for forty
minutes, looked at books for twenty-five minutes, ate my lunch and read my
new adbusters magazine for one hour and fifteen minutes).  what a day!

if you have a good idea for something to do this afternoon, please call me.
if you don't, then don't.  sound good?  ...actually, call me regardless.

best,

tim anna, distinguished professor
~if you desire peace of soul and happiness, then believe; if you would be a
disciple of truth, then inquire.~

-------------------------------------------------------

From: "Mitchell"
To: "Abbey"
Subject: your mission
Date: Friday, August 08, 2003 9:49 PM

comrade abbey:

we need you to to some reconnaisance for tomorrow's planned beach landing.
the location where we would like to establish a beachhead has to be clear of
any obstacles.  this involves both algae and e coli.  this is an imperative
mission.  you need to be successful.  the revolution depends on it.  we will
make the capitalist pig-dogs pay.

victory!
liberty!
democracy!

hasta la victoria,
comandante mitchell, general command

----------end of transmission----------