July 02, 2003

>From: Abbey"
>To: Mitchell
>Subject: Re: mighty hermaphrodite
>Date: Wed,  2 Jul 2003 09:12:07 -0500
>
>~Brevity is not the soul of wit.~
>
>You figure strangely.  All of my names have been decidedly female, with the
>possible exception of Snake Eyes and Yannick (curtesy of Betty Evans - 
>who
>finally had the decency to call me yesterday: "Hello, this is your crappy
>friend Betty..." began the message).
>

From: "Mitchell"
To: "Abbey"
Subject: Re: mighty hermaphrodite
Date: Wed, 02 Jul 2003 21:32:19 +0000


hay thar,

well, there certainly is method and reasoning to my madness.  it is possible 
that your parents struggled to find a name for you (hence your nameless 
period) before they decided to raise you as a girl (and teach you how to 
disguise your rod as a third leg).  their inability to cope with your 
physical appearance could have led them to convince themselves that by 
periodically changing your name, they were somehow altering the reality of 
your being (this sentence probably does not make sense to you, but it is 
logical).  your displeasure with your name may stem from the fact that you 
have a chemical imbalance (this doesn't sound very nice) in your brain, 
which makes you feel masculine, in which case you feel the urge to shed your 
abbey/annie/ruth/whatever skin.  further, in all of my studies, i have yet to 
come across a female 'che'.  several males, but no females.  all of this is 
just bullocks, really.  i know that you do not have a penis.  it was just a 
theory that i developed, that i considered a possiblity for about half a 
day.  i will be sure to keep my theories to myself from now on.

its nice to know that betty wants to be your friend again.  but, does this 
mean that i've completed my function?  having filled the void in betty's 
absence, is mitchell now unnecessary?  a mere liability?  egad!  say it ain't 
so, Abbey, say it ain't so!

i did not snap any belts on the lawnmower today.  i did, however, run over a 
hose, which was cut into two pieces and sprayed water everywhere.  normally, 
i am very mechanically inclined.  normally, i am fairly competent.  
normally, i laugh at other peoples' dumb-ass mistakes.  venus must be 
aligned with jupiter and mars because lately i've been the fool.  or maybe 
it's my diet.  hmmmmm.

are we on for tomorrow?  iam rilly rilly ex-sited two see dinasore bonz.  
what's the plan?  i might stop by your office tonight and we can figure 
something out.  if not, email/call me.

ciao,
mitch
~if you desire peace of soul and happiness, then believe; if you would be a 
disciple of truth, then inquire.~