August 21, 2003

From: "Mitchell"
To: "Abbey"
Subject: Re: pee, of course
Date: Thursday, August 21, 2003 11:50 AM

you are mistaken.  i don't want you to die.  i want you to live and be
generally happy (if you were happy all the time, the novelty would wear
off).  all i said was that i would celebrate your life (not your passing).
as i haven't known you very long, my celebration wouldn't be very long, so i
would need something else to do.  dancing.  my grandfather always tells me
that he'll sing at my wedding and dance at my funeral.  i think that's nice.
  how thoughtful.  i wanted to extend this to you and your death.  so there
i'll be at your funeral - dancing up a storm.  easy skanking, or something
like that.

i'll be home by 2:30, so i'll give you a ring.

jenkins

p.s. of course i drew those shoes.  do you doubt my ability?

~if you desire peace of soul and happiness, then believe; if you would be a
disciple of truth, then inquire.~

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From: "Mitchell"
To: "Abbey"
Subject: why ryan, why?
Date: Thursday, August 21, 2003 4:41 PM

richard percie is a nice guy.  i used to enjoy sitting beside him in my
spanish class.  we would share jokes with each other.  i thought he had a
nice smile.  then i learned one day that he was in the army.  then i learned
he was in the faculty of management.  then he sent me this forward and this
was the last straw.  richard percie no longer exists.  he has been
disappeared.  i will dance at his memorial service.

i want to share my pain with you, Abbey.  isn't that sweet?  i got up to #6
then couldn't take it anymore.  see if you can beat that...

This should be framed and put on every guys bathroom wall.......... ;)
> > The Man Code of Ethics > > 1. The universal compensation for buddies who
>help you move is beer. > > 2. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or
>the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean. > > 3.
>Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is
>forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is not suitable. > > 4. Any man
>who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by
>his fellow party goers. > > 5. Women who claim they "love to watch sports"
>must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and
>the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean. > > 6. If a buddy is outnumbered,
>out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
>**Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to
>think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whooping," then you may sit back
>and enjoy. > > 8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another
>guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait
>10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
> > > 9. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man.
>In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and
>slightly gay. > > 10. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe
>your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get
>carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your
>pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party. > > 11.
>Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he,
>in return, is required to grant it. > > 12. If a man's zipper is down,
>that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'. > > 13. When stumbling upon
>other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the
>game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. > > 14. It is
>permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a
>tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless super model...and it's
>free. > > 15. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. > > 16. A man in
>the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough
>to fight. > > 17. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be
>referring to his beer. > > 18. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a
>buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response. > > 19.
>Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either
>both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is
>all the conversation you need. > > 20. If a buddy is already singing along
>to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay. > > 21. Thou shall
>not rent the movie "Chocolat". > > 22. Under no circumstances may two men
>share an umbrella.



~if you desire peace of soul and happiness, then believe; if you would be a
disciple of truth, then inquire.~

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>From: "Abbey"
>To: "Mitchell"
>Date: Thu, 21 Aug 2003 18:07:51 -0500
>
>If you had read beyond point #6 you would have noticed that there was no
>point #7.  It must be the one where it says: A 'buddy' will not e-mail
>generic, humourless, anti-homosexual propaganda.  I used to think little
>Richard was sweet (I used to think Melanie was sweet, then that probing
>question the other night, I used to think that other blonde Mennonite whose
>name escapes me was sweet, then she questioned my womanness).  Now you're
>the only one left!  Oh, Mitchell, never change (spoken wistfully, almost in
>teary song).


From: "Mitchell"
To: "Abbey"
Subject: Re:
Date: Thursday, August 21, 2003 6:56 PM

kristi.  the other mennonite girl's name was kristi.  i don't think she
questioned your womanness.  i think she questioned your un-womanness, which
could well be the same thing (whose to say?  certainly not me).  i thought
you didn't like sweet things.  wouldn't it be better if i tasted like steak?

i hate cky news.  i really do.  sylvia kuzek (sp?... the weather lady)
annoys me soooo much (that's alot).  today i watched it (both the news and
my annoyance [yes, it is visible]) for fifteen minutes for the sole purpose
of catching a glimpse of you and your party.  unfortunately, you weren't on
the tv (a good thing, too, because i don't think a standard television set
can withstand 95 pounds on top of it.  unless it's a soviet-made television,
of course [capable of withstanding a 5 megaton nuclear explosion]).  i did,
however, see (and hear) gary doer (nee filmon) tell a joke: "...and then we
can trade our crown royal for their tequila, haha."  you weren't lying!
incredible.

wanna know what i'm doing tomorrow night (at least until 9:30ish)?  going to
the blue bomber game with my uncle.  it will be a perfect disaster, i can
tell.  we'll argue about the economy, politics, and history.  he'll call me
a 'commie' and 'faggot' (actually, i'd be very surprised if he said
'faggot'.  he's a very progressive conservative [small 'p' and 'c']) and
i'll call him a fascist and ask him where his brown shirt is.  then he'll
grab my knee and squeeze it really hard and 'steal' my nose.  i am looking
more forward to my next visit to the dentist (granted, i do have a crush on
les).

fare thee well, my delicate flower,

antoine
~if you desire peace of soul and happiness, then believe; if you would be a
disciple of truth, then inquire.~