October 07, 2003

 my friend,

i regret to inform you of the recent passing of revolutionary icon and
guerrilla-extraordinaire chairman israel harold asper.  comrade izzy devoted
his life to the cause of socialist revolution and earned his stripes in the
urban guerrilla campaigns of the early 1970s where his valour and bravery
inspired countless cadres and compañeros alike.  he is perhaps most known
for his rousing and memorable speeches at party functions and may day
celebrations where he suggested that all good comrades "listen to everyone,
from the janitor to the chairman".  his life should serve as an example of
self-less sacrifice.  upon hearing of today's tragedy, grief-stricken
comrades throughout campus, but most especially at the i.h. asper school of
socialist justice, were heard to lament, "where will we get money now?"  by
this, they surely meant "money" to be a metaphor for "radical inspiration". 
comrade asper, we salute you!  you (and your chequebook) will be sorely
missed.

i would like to thank you for the lovely sex that we engaged in today.  i
was not let down in any way.  i look forward to similar activities tomorrow.

yours,
mitchell